The Audi A1 Sportback: spacious and sporty

Do you consider yourself bold, intuitive and intelligent? Then the Audi A1 Sportback is the ideal car for you! Modelled around living life in the moment. It’s funky, youthful and those primary colour options give it a massive presence for a small car.

Audi’s first-generation smallest model was released in 2011. After eight years, the second generation offers a bigger car filled with more tech and cool options such as contrasting roof colours, among other things. Two colours to make your mark!

The new Audi is driver-focused and integrated into the digital world as you are. It offers more space, a digitised cabin and new trim lines and package structures. The original Audi Quattro of the 80s inspired the Sporting design. Think about everything you’d want to put in the boot, all at once…now it’s possible. The boot capacity grows by 65 litres to a total of 335 litres. The best part is when the rear seats are folded, the capacity increases to 1090 litres with a loading sill height of 67cm.

The buyer has three direct-injection turbo-petrol engines to choose from. A 30 TSFI powered by a 1.0-liter engine producing 85kW and 200Nm, a 35 TFSI powered by a 1.5-litre engine producing 110kW and 250Nm, or the top-of-the-line 40 TSFI powered by a 2.0-liter engine producing 147kW and 320Nm. The latter is also recognisable with its striking tailpipes. They are all turbocharged and use a 6-speed dual-clutch gearbox.

The cabin is fit for a digital future. All three models come standard with a fully digital instrument cluster with high resolution, 10.25-inch display and a multifunction steering wheel. LED headlights are also standard, but buyers can additionally order Audi’s virtual cockpit, satellite navigation, Apple CarPlay, or Android Auto integration, and wireless charging.
Other standard features include manual air conditioning, powered and heated exterior mirrors, auto headlights and wipers, central front armrest, black gloss dashboard accents, fabric seat upholstery, electronic stability control and tyre pressure monitoring.

With the 35 TFSI, a whole lot of LEDs is about to change your life! From LED headlights, taillights and interior lighting. Additionally, an auto-dimming rear-view mirror and colour-coded exterior mirrors.

On top of that, the 40 TFSI gains dual-zone automatic climate control, cruise control, front sports seats with adjustable lumbar support, aluminium-look interior, upgraded seat fabric and an S Line exterior styling package.

Buyers have the option to choose from three exterior configurations: Standard, Advanced and S Line with distinct styling characteristics. Depending on the package chosen, all models come with alloy wheels ranging from 15” to 17”. With numerous possibilities to select the colours and materials, Audi included a Black Styling Package and a Contrast Package. Included in the Black Styling Package is the radiator grille in matte black, grille frame, front air inlet frame, rear diffuser and front spoiler, all in high gloss black. With the Contrast Package, a contrasting roof dome is included as well as exterior mirror housing, front spoiler lip, and side skirts in Mythos Black Metallic or Manhattan Grey Metallic.

The new Audi A1 Sportback’s pricing starts at R 359 900. It will also sure give you a comfortable space to perfectly handle on any South African road and drive a statement wherever you go!
Read more about the packages and pricing here.

10 Popular car colours with high resale value in SA

Car colours in South Africa are almost infinite. You can probably order a car that matches your nail polish, like pink, orange or yellow. In South Africa, black remains a popular colour but pales into insignificance when compared to South Africans’ most popular colour choice – white.

AutoTrader analysed cars sold on the automotive digital marketplace in 2019, and George Mienie, AutoTrader CEO, said that white is by far the most popular car colour in the country. “It accounts for more sales than the second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth most popular car colours combined,” he said.

According to Axalta’s 2019 Annual Global Automotive Colour Popularity Report, white was also the most popular colour globally. In Asia, Africa and South America, white proved to be especially popular. In Asia, white cars sold made up 49%, in Africa 46% of cars were white, and 42% in South America were white.

White is popular for many reasons – it’s better in the heat compared to darker colours, it retains its resale value, and it’s easy to repair. A 2011 study, conducted by Berkeley Lab Environmental Energy Technology Division, proved that light-coloured cars reflect 60% of sunlight compared to dark-coloured cars. Darker cars also show a 2% higher fuel consumption due to the greater use of air conditioning.

The second-best colour in South Africa for 2019, was silver, followed by grey, blue and red. Global preferences differ with black as the second most popular colour, followed by grey, silver and blue. In South Africa, black ranked in the 6th position.

Green cars are also mostly sold in global countries but don’t feature on South Africa’s list. Purple cars show the highest depreciation. Gold, green, maroon and turquoise caused their owners between 4% to 6% losses in resale value.

Gumtree commented when asked about the resale value and the impact of colour, that they buy cars with the heart. It should be a specific brand, body variant, engine and gearbox type, accessories and colour. According to them, white and silver are easy to sell, compared to darker colours.

The local trend is also hues of silver such as grey. The buyers prefer white, silver/grey, black/blue, red and then variants of yellow, brown and green.

Here are 5 tips when you choose your car colour:

  • Maintenance and appearance: White and silver cars don’t show dust and micro-scratches to the extent darker tones do. In wet weather, however, road dirt and mud show up more, but there is a balance. These colour tones need less washing, less polishing, and less fading.
  • Visibility: Lighter coloured-vehicles are safer because of their visibility on the road, in scenery and among traffic.
  • Cost and availability: Your options are limited when you are particular about colour when buying and metallic paint on new cars is often extra. You might end up paying more than a comparable neutral colour. White-painted vehicles also attract lower insurance premiums.
  • Repair: There is lower risk with lighter colours because panel beaters don’t have to match and blend colours to repair the car.
  • Resale value: Lighter cars have stronger resale value because the pool of buyers for popular colours is larger.

The new winning Toyota Corolla Quest

The 2020 Toyota Corolla Quest. It’s all-new, although it looks pretty much identical to the outgoing Corolla model. After almost six years since the launch of the original Corolla Quest, the 11th-generation Corolla might look rebadged, but there’s more to it than that. It shares certain aspects with the Hilux and Fortuner models built alongside it.

South Africa is the only country in the world where this Corolla sedan is still being built, through a detailed development programme to make it more affordable. The newcomer aims to maintain the Quality, Reliability, and Durability (QDR) level. The Corolla Quest has enabled Toyota a 71% share in South Africa’s compact family car market. And, for 2020, Toyota adds a new Corolla Quest with modernised styling, improved satisfaction levels, and enhanced safety features.

The new Corolla sedan bawl refined, smooth-riding and fine-handling. More spacious than before, and with a standard 1.8-litre engine (previously 1.6-liter), it’s something to look forward to. The key difference between the new Corolla Quest and the outgoing model is that the new Quest is splitting off into a model range of its own. Three different trim levels will be available to cater for owners in fleets, taxi companies, the now go-to model for Uber, and Taxify/Bolt users, as well as the family market, and the junior executive buyers.

The three grades of trim are Standard, Prestige and Exclusive. They are fitted with a reasonably extensive features list that carries many of the older model’s features over. The Standard Quest, however, doesn’t differ much more than the old Quest. It’s equipped with auto-door locking, electric windows, four speakers, and airbags for passengers and the driver (including the driver’s knee).

The Prestige model has additionally (than to what the Quest already offers), six speakers, a multi-media system that reads DVDs, a leather steering wheel, cruise control, cloth-and-leather-covered seats, and 16-inch alloy wheels. The top-of-the-range Exclusive model offers keyless-entry and -start, rain-sensing wipers, auto headlamp levelling, LED headlamps, and leather seats.

Producing 103kW, the new engine feels more comfortable to drive, and a lot torquier than the old 1.6-litre engine. It sounds great under less strain and gains momentum much smoother. Customers can choose between a 6-speed manual or a Continuously Variable Transmission (CVT or automatic transmission). Toyota SA claims average fuel consumption of 7.0L/100km for the manual and 6.3L/100km for the automatic.

Regarding safety, Isofix child-seat anchors, vehicle stability control, hill-start assist, rear fog lamps, LED daytime running lights, and a rear seatbelt buzzer/lamp are standard across the range. Five exterior colours are available – Chromium Silver, Arizona Red, Graphite Grey Metallic, Glacier White, and Seaside Pearl Metallic.

Toyota Corolla Quest Range & Price in SA

  • 1.8 Quest – R249 900
  • 1.8 Quest CVT – R270 400
  • 1.8 Quest Prestige – R286 500
  • 1.8 Quest Prestige CVT – R296 800
  • 1.8 Quest Exclusive – R307 400
  • 1.8 Quest Exclusive CVT – R317 700

The new Quest is sold with a 3-services/45 000km service plan with intervals pegged at 12 months/15 000km. A 3-year/100 000km warranty is included.
The new Quest range will undoubtedly be a roaring sales success because it’s decent to drive and generally well-made too. It represents excellent sense, and it’s a win all round.

Hyundai i30N: Hot Hatch hatches on our shores next month.

South Korea is the land known for its love of technology and bringing us an exciting sporty hatchback. The Hyundai i30N should give you pause before buying your next car. You may well want to consider this one first.

Price? Not sure yet. But that’ll probably be announced shortly before its release toward the end of January 2020. The i30N will only be available at 15 selected dealers though and will be sold through what would be known as ‘N-specialists’ – people who were specifically trained to sell the car. All dealerships, however, will be able to service owners’ cars.

It’s important to note that while there are different engine specs that this model comes with, we’re only getting the 202-kW engine config. That’s better than the entry-level 184 kW, though. It’s plenty of sporty power for those who drive the highway economic arteries that make up our biggest cities. The engine produces 353 Newton-meters (Nm) of twisting force, but it can unleash up to 378Nm in short spurts during over boost.

So basically, you’re getting a 2-litre turbo-petrol engine, which is plenty of voooooom! where you need it most on a car. Hopefully, you’re not driving an automatic, because there is no such option with the i30N coming to our country. There is a 6-gear manual and that’s more than enough for us.

When fitted with the 19-inch wheel option, the hot hatch sits 8mm lower to the ground. It has also been kitted with a sport suspension system with adjustable dampers as well as an electronic control limited-slip differential.

If you’re slick with your gear changes, you can easily meet the 100 km/h in 6.1 seconds that the i30N is capable of.

You’ll get a great selection of drive modes for this baby. That being Eco, very useful in rush hour traffic, Normal, and when you want to shoot across town you can opt in Sport. Finally, there’s N and N Custom, which means you get to choose the parameters at which the steering, sound, chassis, and, most importantly, engine function within.

But how cool is this: there’s a G-Force meter as well. So, when you’re Tom Cruising down the highway, you can feel like a Top Gun.

2020: Prominent car introductions

A new year means new cars. And with an interesting direction, crossovers are taking the reign. An assortment of brand-new and fully redesigned passenger cars is hitting the road in 2020, but are they reducing? It seems like buyers are instead choosing sporty vehicles as their rides. Several small cars, such as Chevrolet Impala and Ford Taurus, are discontinued. Ford Fiesta and Chevrolet Sonic are also pulling out at the end of the current model year.

Here’s a look at some all-new models and some iconic models that are making a comeback after an extended period of absence from the markets. These most famous introductions will reach dealers’ showrooms for 2020.

Chevrolet Corvette Stingray

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This hallmark sports car benefits from significantly different aerodynamics and weight distribution, compared to previous models, which helps it raise its performance curve to new heights. It still resembles the current models but is a next-generation C8 vehicle. It’s the most aggressively styled ‘Vette yet with a wild exotic-car appearance. The removable roof panels can be stored in the forward-situated trunk. Behind the driver sits a 6.2-litre V8 engine with 490 horsepower and 470 pound-feet of torque to the rear wheels via an eight-speed dual-clutch automatic transmission. It’s driver-focused and features electronic displays and no fewer than a dozen selectable driving modes.

Aston Martin DBX

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The British automaker didn’t have a crossover/SUV in their portfolio, up until now. They aim that the all-new DBX become their best-selling model. Production takes place in St Athan, Wales, U.K. and is partially hand-built. This production-ready DBX takes on a conventional, 5-door form like its competitors. It gets a powerful 4.0L twin-turbo V8 engine supplied by Mercedes-Benz and tweaked by AMG. It generates 542 horsepower and 516 pound-feet of torque. Being one of the most luxurious options on the market, it gets standard air suspension with adaptive dampers as well as a full array of advanced driver’s aids.

Tesla Roadster

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The full-electric Tesla Roadster features a decidedly modernistic curvy profile and promises rocket-like performance. This stylish 2+2 Roadster comes with a glass roof that store in the car’s trunk. Tesla claims it will be the fastest car on the planet. Thanks to three electric motors, the Roadster will be able to hit the 97 kph mark from a standing start in just 1.9 seconds while maxing out at around 402 kph. It comes with a large 200 kWh battery pack and should provide as much as 998 km of drive-range if driven relatively lightly.

Mini Cooper SE

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This new full-electric Cooper SE Coupe combines the brand’s famed go-kart-like handling with zero-emissions operation. It produces 181 horsepower with 199 pound-feet of torque which promises lively acceleration with its electric motor. It features 4 driving modes and two regenerative braking selections, with the ability to engage one-pedal driving. It is expected a 0-97 kph time at 7.3 seconds.

Porsche Taycan

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The first all-electric Porsche vehicle is an ultra-sleek battery-driven four-door sports car. This coupe shouldn’t be confused with the Panamera although they have a few common design-wise similarities. The name Taycan is derived from two Turkic terms and can be roughly translated as ‘soul of a spirited young horse’. It’s offered two battery capacity options and three different power outputs. These 9.2-kWh and 93.4-kWh batteries can generate either 522 hp, 563 hp, or 616 hp. The Taycan is capable of propelling 97 kph from a standing start in just 2.6 seconds.

Kia Soul EV

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This version is a redesign of Kia’s funky compact electric hatchback with styling differences that sets it apart from the likewise fuel versions. It has a new independent rear suspension that improves the cars handling. The Soul EV also comes with selectable driving modes, and the driver can choose from four levels of regenerative braking. It features a 64-kWh lithium-ion polymer battery pack with DC fast charging capability with an output of 201 horsepower and a perky 291 pound-feet of torque. The range has improved from 241 km to 362 km drive range. A long list of amenities is included such as the latest accident-avoidance features.

The future looks bright and you can expect a wide range of vehicles, from family cars to supercars, within the next year. Every one of them will earn a special place in many car enthusiasts’ hearts when they roll out of the production lines in 2020.

The Future History of Flying Cars.

It once seemed the stuff of science fiction dreams. Cars that could fly. Like something out of the classic time-travel movie, Back to the Future Part II. Flying cars.

But it’s increasingly looking like our daily commute will soon involve taking to the skies. Keep in mind, “soon” is around the 2030s, based on current predictions. But that’s only a decade and a bit away. Imagine going to work by stepping into a “motoring” machine that lifts off vertically, then flies almost like a helicopter does, and then sets you down by the office. Parking bays will certainly look interesting.

And helicopter is a good comparison as the “lift” that allows these cars to fly will be similar to how a helicopter works. Or, more accurately, how drones operate.

Theoretically, they’re already here.

The Terrafugia Transition is technically a flying car – it looks like a strange love child of a light aircraft and a futuristic mini-car. Mini-car because it requires a certain maximum weight for lift, and to adhere to the US’s federal light aircraft regulations.

It experienced its first flight on 5 March 2009 as a proof-of-concept vehicle and could travel on the road at about 100 km per hour. Flight speed? Around 187 km per hour. Not exactly a Boeing 747, but definitely a great way to by-pass heavy traffic, as between Johannesburg and Pretoria’s notoriously slow rush hour stretch.

The planned date for final customer production kept being extended as developments to the craft continued to be implemented. Its latest date was to have been July 2019, but as yet it still hasn’t been released to the general public.

But the latest developments are flying high. Flying car high.

Meet NEC Corp’s flying machine. It has propellers that allow it to lift off the ground. This picture, taken in Abiko, close to Tokyo, is essentially a large-scale drone that “flew” for approximately a minute.

It is large enough to carry passengers. It’ll be part of the automated vehicle range, which means you won’t need a pilot’s licence simply to get to work. It’ll handle the flying for you. If the thought of being flown by an automated vehicle through the friendly skies scares you, well, you have about 12 or so years to get used to the idea.

The Japanese government is fully behind this initiative, meaning potential legislative issues will be taken care of relatively quickly. According to the current plan of action, the country wants these things flying around cities by 2023 and transporting people a decade after that.

Japan is made up of four major islands (and a series of much smaller ones) but it has over 100 million people. As such, there’s a heavy congestion problem in the country’s cities. The belief is that by supporting flying car technology, this congestion will be relieved.

Currently, other countries that are interested in flying cars are Dubai, New Zealand, and Singapore.

One of the most prolific companies in the world, Uber, plans on taking to the skies sometime in the near future. Sadly, this means a lot of drivers in many countries will be put out of what can be quite a lucrative job.

But as happens with much innovative technology involving machine learning, the human element is no longer needed as much.

Top Three James Bond Cars

He’s our favourite imperialist agent: with a licence to thrill across the silver screen. And there are two things that generate excitement with every new Bond movie announcement. One: who will play the “Bond Girl” in this latest instalment. Two: what will feature as the Bond vehicle?

The latter is arguably more important. A dame is a dame, but a fine car is a true joy to ride. Of course, there have been many fine cars over the decades that span 007’s reign as spy supreme. We look at our three favourites.

Aston Martin DB5

Not many people know this, but Aston Martin didn’t even pay for product placement in their first appearance on the movie projector slide. In fact, the producers of Goldfinger had to bend over backwards to accommodate the automobile company. It was only after the massive success of the movie and the surging popularity of Aston Martin as a result that company executives started getting $ signs in their eyes at the thought of their products being placed in any movie deemed likely to be a box office smash.

Thus began the age of product placement. In any case, the Aston Martin DB5 is and always will be a classic. It began its movie career with a bang. Literally, if you consider how the Q Division of MI6 outfitted Bond’s car with all sorts of useful gadgets like machine guns. Since then, it’s featured in a number of Bond films, most memorably in Casino Royale, the more ‘realistic’ Bond movie where the car doesn’t have gadgets at all. But it does do seven spins in the air as Bond swerves out the way to avoid hitting a bound and gagged Vesper, laying on the road and set as a trap. The works, leading to one of the most intense ‘Bond captured by bad guys’ scene in the entire series.

Lotus Esprit S1

The Spy Who Loved Me featured an intense opener, with Bond in a ski-slope battle against a Russian squad, which involved Bond killing the lover of a Russian agent who later falls in love with him (it’s almost like a soap opera, just with submarines, nukes, and a juggernaut of a henchman with metal, sharpened teeth appropriately named ‘Jaws’).

What stood out most for movie-goers was the scene where Bond and Agent Anya Amasova are being chased in the Lotus Esprit S1 by a helicopter raining down machine gun fire on them. Bond drives the Lotus off a pier into the water below… and the Lotus turns into a submarine! He then fires a ground-to-air rocket from it, destroying the helicopter.

It was every imaginative little boy’s dream car, the ultimate spy mobile. The two then proceed to use the vehicle to investigate the underwater shenanigans of megalomaniac villain Karl Stromberg.

BMW 750iL

In Tomorrow Never Dies, a media mogul creates his own news by using his agents to attempt a war between Britain and China. Obviously, his wife falls for James Bond (sigh, everybody falls for James Bond – we reckon even the villains get a bit of a man-crush for the guy) and reveals elements of the dastardly plan.

Meanwhile, Q Branch outfits a BMW 750iL with an assortment of gadgets, including re-inflating tyres, rockets, a wire cutter, and many more besides.

But what was most memorable about the car involved something only just becoming part of our daily lives at the time. The cellphone. Hard to believe there was even a time where cellphones weren’t that common, but in the late 1990s, at least in South Africa, public phone booths were still a thing (which begs the question: where in today’s day and age does Clark Kent change into Superman?).

In Tomorrow Never Dies, Bond’s cellphone is used to actually drive the BMW 750iL, leading to an exciting car chase with James literally backseat driving on his mobile.

When the movie was released, some questioned the use of a German car with the very traditional British agent, but the UK automobile industry wasn’t exactly in the best shape at the time. And the BMW, while a premium vehicle, did blend-in more spy-like than your typical Aston Martin.

Well, those are our top three. What are yours?

Hit the Roadster, Jack. Tesla is coming back.

We are gobsmacked. 2020 will be a great year for the electric car market.

One of our own sons of the soil has unveiled a vehicle for the ages. The Next-Gen Tesla Roadster. Elon Musk, with his high-concept cars, has conceived of a beast that – if successful – will best the best for a generation, at least.

Zero to 96 kilometres per hour in approximately 1.9 seconds. That’s you, beating that aggressive taxi driver trying to veer through the emergency lane, in a split second. Ha ha, you say, to the angry hoots.

Not that we’re encouraging aggressive driving. But a car that can handle the belligerent tactics of other vehicles on the roads? That’s like Thor’s hammer: hard hitting and pure lightening. The latter is electricity-fuelled, which…

…is pure Tesla (named after the famous scientist who helped, well, basically electrify our world), so there may be short comings. At least with petrol, you don’t have to worry about load shedding while trying to charge your car.

Let’s hope electricity gets sorted out.

However, provided things get fixed, as they very well look to be, in our parastatals, you’ll get your “galleon” of watts when you need them. Hopefully.

We consider this to be a good import option because:

The new Tesla Roadster has great range. Just shy of 1000 kays. That’s fair enough. And far enough, once fully charged. For most people, that’s about two weeks of city driving. Even with swift movements through heavy traffic, weaving between lanes to shorten your trip as much as possible.

What is especially exciting about the Tesla Roadster is, it’s a super car and yet it comfortably fits four people. So you get to be the family guy (or gal) and still be a serious sports performer on the roads.

We mean, look at that thing! It’s aerodynamically beautiful, an aesthetic work of art, designed both to look incredibly sexy and circumvent the air resistance around it. It’s so gorgeous, we consider it a modern automobile Mona Lisa.

You can reserve yours now, if you like.

Plug into pure power, because this Roadster will really ravish our roads.

Ford Ranger Raptor: A Look at the Ultimate Bird of Prey

Due out soon is the all-new workhorse bakkie, the Ford Ranger Raptor. What makes this bird of prey so significant is it’ll be the first Ford Ranger built in South Africa. Exciting times, and great for our local industry – especially considering our economic climate.

But that’s what the Ford Ranger Raptor is all about… riding over rough terrain in style. According to Cars.co.za, significant progress has already been made, with the first batch of 10 trial units already driving off the production line. Vroom vroom!

The production plant has seen significant investment by Ford, the American automobile maker: R3 billion, to be exact. This is to ensure that everything is ready for when the real production starts.

It’s expected that there will be quite a high demand from South Africans for the Raptor. And it isn’t hard to see why.

According to the official website, it is “a 100% uniquely designed, wonder engineered off-road performance truck to take on the terrain of your choice.”

It should be noted here, that for the Yanks, anything bakkie upwards is considered a truck, unlike in SA where trucks tend to be 3 tonners and up (not to mention infuriating drivers by slowing down the highway).

As for why it’s called a Raptor, well, we partly assume it’s the inspired design lines on the vehicle, and fierce front grill. There’s something amazing about the headlights that bring the Ranger Raptor almost to life… like it was a living, breathing metallic organism.

The new Ranger Raptor will feature an all-new infotainment device, which will keep you entertained with your favourite tracks while riding off the beaten track. And it comes in automatic transmission. Which we prefer because we’re slightly on the lazy side, though it does have a manual mode to it.

The infotainment can be easily controlled from the steering wheel. With a set of controls built into it, it makes changing music and volume, or simply taking calls via the Bluetooth, as easy as eating American pie.

Now onto the specs. The Ranger Raptor will have plenty of raw power to draw on, with its new 2.0 litre bi-turbodiesel engine. You’ll get 157 kW and 500 Nm torque power. The transmission is, as we mentioned, auto and has 10-speeds.

And we suspect, just like a real bird of prey, it will swoop in and take lauded awards from its competitors in the bakkie off-road category.

You May Have to Ride a Mini-Bus Taxi Soon

Editorial credit: Rich T Photo / Shutterstock.com

For millions of South Africans without a car, mini-bus taxis are the only form of transport that is affordable to them.

In actual fact, despite the annoyances many drivers feel when driving behind these taxis, they provide an important economic benefit to the country – by helping workers and employees get to their places of business on time, day-in and day-out. They often do this through ‘unorthodox’ driving techniques, such as using emergency lanes to skirt traffic – one could argue that getting people to their jobs on time counts as an emergency.

Inspired by this, and beset by increased congestion on Johannesburg’s roads, officials in the Gauteng Legislator have devised a plan that should soon be easing our streets of unnecessary traffic.

“People arriving late to work every day has an economic cost,” Paul Ringani, a legislator in Gauteng said. “We simply can’t afford any hindrances to getting our economy back on track. Especially now with Moody’s [the ratings agency] breathing down our necks. It’s not just uncomfortable, but also creepy. That’s why we need a solid plan of action.”

The proposal is that all drivers who take less than four other people with them to work will be required to use a mini-bus taxi as transport. Officials are already in discussions with the taxi associations to implement the plan.

“Yes, we have been talking to the City,” ‘Oupa’ Dumasane, a taxi owner, has said. “The way they are suggesting is a card system. Everyone gets a card with credits on them, and you simply slot it into a reader when you board one of our taxis. We stop everywhere, so we can easily pick people up wherever they live.”

The system, which will see millions of JHB residents leaving their cars for after-hours and weekend use, will be strictly enforced.

“Harsh fines will be administered to anyone driving alone or with less than the required number of passengers,” Colonel Johannes Karabi, a high-ranking officer at the JMPD, said. “We won’t take this lightly. Everyone, figuratively and literally, must come aboard with this plan.”

When asked as to what fines would be administered, he said, “Ja, fine, we will take your car. You will only get it back after paying an as-yet to be determined amount, and then only after seven working days. If you are asked to pay a larger amount to get it back sooner, we advise you report a case of corruption to whoever is running IPID that week. We don’t want even our own officers riding roughshod over the law.”

The proposed law will be going to the legislature later this month. It is expected to pass, as the taxi associations have all signed up for it, and a card system tender has been put out to everyone, but Busasa.

There is also currently a tender for production companies to make YouTube videos to teach regular drivers the hand signals commonly used to signal taxis which route they want to go.

Several business executives have already been approached to appear in the videos, in their three-piece bespoke suits, to show suburbanites that this new method of public transport is for everyone.

“I’ve been asked to appear in one of the three proposed videos,” said Steven Allen, CEO of BMI (Bull Manure Industries). “I know exactly the outfit I’m going to wear for it, my Armani silver pin-striped suit. It’ll be my pleasure standing on a street corner doing the ‘going to Sandton’ hand signal. In preparation for the role, I’ve already taken three rides in mini-bus taxis and am starting to get fluent in vernacular. It’s great, because you get to hear all the juicy gossip about so-and-so’s neighbour. This will be a great boon for the economy, and I think Joburgers will embrace it.”

If the law passes, it’s expected that by July we will all be taxiing our way through the bustling economic hub of the country.

UPDATE: Renowned rock group Taxi Violence has been commissioned to do a theme song for the YouTube videos.